| Jim and Sally run a successful auto business, which | | | | on ramp and lets all 455 cubic inches roar. "We're |
| they have built up over two decades and have | | | | gonna pass everything but a gas station from |
| expanded to three stores and many of their | | | | here on out!"The next day, Jim and Sally are over |
| friends keep saying, "You should Franchise." They | | | | the negative observations and Jim says "Well now |
| think about this for about five years read a few | | | | we have the documents let's go visit our future |
| books, like "Franchising for Dummies," The | | | | franchisees, finally after four months of |
| "E-Myth", "The Franchising Bible" and many others | | | | paperwork." Sally smiles. Jim says "you know I |
| on the shelves of the new big book store in town | | | | love you honey, we are finally going to do this." |
| with the coffee shop inside. They finally decide | | | | Sally says "good, for a second I thought you had |
| that it makes sense especially as they have | | | | the hots for that paralegal, he was sure checking |
| friends and loyal employees who wish to be | | | | your rear end out." Jim says "oh great! But I think |
| associated with them and even own the first | | | | I am more worried about his boss trying to |
| franchises. So they set out to franchise. They | | | | screw both of us in some bizarre |
| visit an attorney since that says in all the books | | | | three-some."You see Mr. Federal Trade |
| to do. Most books about franchising are, at least | | | | Commission this is how it all starts, it all starts out |
| in part if not whole, written by S2D2s (lawyers: | | | | on the wrong foot. Why? This MUD is clouding the |
| S2P2s; Self-Serving Parasites of Planet) anyway, | | | | reasoning and strength of franchising. Franchising is |
| so they take that advice and visit an attorney. | | | | a win-win situation, when it is buried in MUD it |
| The S2D2 explains the MUD and helps by charging | | | | creates an adversarial relationship from the |
| them a good chunk of change; $35,000 to | | | | beginning.Jim and Sally are ready and they call the |
| prepare a boilerplate document which is so | | | | attorney to make sure it is okay for them to |
| complicated they could not do it on their own | | | | visit the prospects, who are already to sign up. |
| without years of study. They give the S2D2 | | | | The attorney says well, wait a minute we need |
| (scoundrel) the money and they look at the | | | | to discuss this, because there are rules of |
| document and start asking questions. They do not | | | | disclosure and you should also think of setting up |
| ask him about the price gouging laws that their | | | | a sales department and have forms for |
| state has after all the flooding from the remnants | | | | compliance.The cold electronic like S2D2 right on |
| of Hurricane Ivan, although they feel severally | | | | que says; "tell me about these prospects." Sally |
| violated in the outrageous costs to prepare the | | | | says "oh they are so very nice. First; Joe has |
| documents. After all there is some new shop | | | | been a trusted employee for years and knows |
| equipment they need to test cars to stay in | | | | everything about the business and he has a |
| compliance with the latest smog certificates and | | | | partner and his parents are putting up the money |
| they are not cheap either. So they ask some | | | | for the equipment for part ownership and helping |
| typical questions instead of why they had to pay | | | | him qualify for the lease on the building, he already |
| so much."But Mr. S2D2, we want to be fair and | | | | has a location picked out, the same one Jim and I |
| give this and that assistance to the new | | | | were going to put our fourth store, before we |
| franchisees, Bob and Margaret are long time | | | | started to franchise instead." Well that is very nice |
| customers of our shop and friends. Joe has been | | | | the S2D2 says to Sally "incidentally Sally where do |
| working with our company seven years and they | | | | his parents live?" Jim says "They live across the |
| want to buy the first franchises. The S2D2 | | | | river in IL and his partner is from MI, he will be |
| explains that the Federal Trade Commissions | | | | moving here once the business gets going."The |
| Franchise Group is doing this for the consumer's | | | | S2D2 is salivating understanding that MI is a |
| protection. Jim and Sally understand this but what | | | | notification state and IL is one of the three worst |
| is all this about termination, litigation, arbitration or | | | | states to do business for franchisors, some |
| mediation? Why does it say we may give you | | | | franchisors have even gone to the length to say |
| this and that, of course we would support Bob | | | | that the state of IL is on drugs like those 'fruits, |
| and Margaret and Joe they are dear friends of | | | | nuts and flakes' at the California Department of |
| ours and it is our name on the building, of course | | | | Corporations along with the rest of the population |
| we are going to go out of our way to help | | | | of girlie men in and around San Francisco, although |
| them."The S2D2 says, "yes, I understand that but | | | | everyone likes the new 'Governator'. The S2D2 |
| this is for your protection too." Sally says, "great | | | | says; "well Jim we have a slight problem." Jim |
| but, it sounds so vindictive and mean, why would | | | | thinks to him self, uh oh, he remembers, 'ah |
| anyone sign it?" The S2D2 says "there is much | | | | Houston, we have a problem' and then says; |
| case law and history as to why these things are | | | | "What, it is all set up, the parents already sent a |
| in these documents and they are to protect you, | | | | check to Joe for the first and last on the lease |
| that what you are paying me for." Jim thinks to | | | | and he signed the lease this week, Joe already |
| himself, we are paying you to pick a fight with | | | | gave them a deposit." The attorney says "well |
| our new franchisees and long time dear friends. | | | | we need to slow down, first Jim and Sally I do |
| Attorneys are A-holes. They are our worst | | | | not know how to break this to you, but MI has |
| customers at the shop and I will never forget | | | | to be notified that you are offering franchises in |
| that time a one-week temporary worker hurt his | | | | their state and IL needs full registration, I of |
| hand because he was not paying attention, then | | | | course can do all that for you." (huge smile comes |
| sued us. Even though it was on his way to work | | | | over the S2D2, even feels a tingle in his thing and |
| or so he said, we had to fight the case, we won | | | | winks to the paralegal as he reaches for his |
| but it costs us $17,000, gosh, I hate attorneys. | | | | member in a display of manliness, similar to the |
| Jim just gives a slight aggravated look and gazes | | | | movie 'Wallstreet' or 'Boiler Room'.)Looks like the |
| towards the window over looking the river and | | | | S2D2's golf membership is in the bag after all he |
| much of downtown. How can anyone call what | | | | thinks to himself; Sushi tonight, hell for the rest of |
| this guy does work?So Sally looks at the cover | | | | the week, why not. This is going to be great; he |
| page and the second page and the third and it | | | | thinks just maybe; I can sneak off with Liz, the |
| says: "This sounds mean and ugly almost | | | | secretary, for the weekend and tell his wife it is |
| vindictive." The S2D2 says, "this is to protect you, | | | | another very important rule making session in Las |
| franchising is very litigious." Sally: "But these are | | | | Vegas for the Federal Trade Commission's |
| our friends." She looks at Jim and gives him a | | | | Franchise group where important franchise |
| look, what are we getting ourselves into? The | | | | attorneys from all over the country meet to |
| attorney also has an interesting look, a grin. | | | | discuss the franchise rule which has had no |
| Knowing that soon he will have much work | | | | changes in 10-years. It has been documented that |
| defending them in lawsuits, he thinks to himself; | | | | law enforcement officials, judges, policemen and |
| gotta love these entrepreneurial suckers, so | | | | attorneys are the most likely professions to have |
| naïve thinking they are going to do good in | | | | extra curricular affairs with either members of |
| the world, help people get into business and make | | | | their same sex or the other. (Source: Netscape |
| money at the same time, living in a dream world, | | | | News Online Oct. 2003).The S2D2 says to Sally |
| oh well thankfully they do exist, although I am | | | | and Jim, "The registration for IL could take up to |
| noticing a decline in such folks over the years, but | | | | several months, if everything goes perfect." |
| this is live bait, and I will make all I can while they | | | | "Several Months" shouts Jim. "Yes, well this is |
| still have money. The S2D2 then starts smiling as | | | | nothing compared to Cal-if-forn-ia." Explains the |
| they leave. Knowing he can return the favor to | | | | S2D2 and goes on to say; "our standard fees are |
| some of his fellow attorneys nearby who | | | | $10,000 to register in IL and we can probably do |
| specialize in divorce law and bankruptcy, etc. He | | | | the MI thing for a thousand plus fees." Sally says |
| has seen it before, good companies franchise and | | | | "But, we are not are only charging $10,000 for |
| then the lawsuits, divorce and bankruptcy, he can | | | | the franchise fee to begin with and we are not |
| smell it. He does not think more than a second or | | | | franchising in IL or MI, surely not for a couple of |
| two that he and his S2D2 are the cause of all of | | | | years, we have a strategic plan to 'Start Small |
| it. Even if we are, we deserve the money, we | | | | and Finish Big', besides we want our first |
| are smarter than everyone else, have spent | | | | franchisees close by so we can help them, running |
| years learning all this dribble and besides I need | | | | a business is not easy you know and we need to |
| another new BMW and the golf membership is | | | | be available here."The S2D2 changes from friend |
| coming due. Must keep up with the boys to | | | | to father daughter mode and in a voice only |
| continue to get those referrals.Jim and Sally are | | | | grandfather's use he says; "Dear Sally, I think you |
| having second thoughts, but are committed to | | | | are misinterpreting what I am saying here, I |
| the plan and already have the first three | | | | understand you are not franchising in Illinois right |
| franchises sold to family, friends and loyal | | | | now or even Michigan for that matter. But the |
| employees. "We promised Jim, we gave them our | | | | people involved in your franchise have partners |
| word, they are counting on us." "Yes, but Sally, I | | | | who will have interests in the franchise who live in |
| really hate attorneys, they seem so cold and | | | | those states you see and that requires you to be |
| they don't care, look at what he is charging us?" | | | | registered in those states or in the case of |
| Sally says, "yes I know, but if we sell enough | | | | Michigan to notify you are offering them a |
| franchises we can send our kids to law school, | | | | franchise." Sally says "but we are not offering |
| that is where all the money is, look how hard we | | | | them a franchise, we are offering a franchise to |
| work to build a business and that fat cat | | | | Joe our employee. Who is already to start and |
| attorney, just sits in that office with the view and | | | | we want to give him that 'UFO thing', the U-Fuck, |
| works a few hours a day and that paralegal in the | | | | I mean U-fock as you call it, you said they have |
| back seems to do all the work." Jim observes; | | | | to have it for ten business days and there is a |
| "You know Sally, I really want to do this, we have | | | | holiday weekend coming up and Joe wants to |
| worked so hard. Hey did you notice the way the | | | | start ASAP, he has been buying new tools like |
| secretary was looking at the attorney? I think | | | | mad from the Snap on Tool guy, he is so ready, |
| they have something going there? Well maybe he | | | | he wants to get busy and make money before |
| is doing the paralegal too?" Sally says " yes I think | | | | the 30 day bill comes in for all those tools." S2D2 |
| you are right about the secretary, but the | | | | explains, "Sally, I understand your frustration, but |
| paralegal is definitely gay, you really think so?" Jim | | | | that is the IL law. It doesn't matter, what you |
| says, "Heck, yes, he seems like the squirrelly | | | | think the law says or what you have worked out |
| type, I do not trust him." Sally says "But, Jim you | | | | with Joe of your own free will, you are in a |
| know his wife is a VIP in town? I agree with your | | | | franchise now. Also Sally remember about the |
| comments did you notice how fast the attorney | | | | master lease clause and additionally if Joe's |
| took you up on that offer too give his car free | | | | parents pay for the lease and are a partner in the |
| service?" Jim "Says, well the lawyers are a | | | | company and their residence is IL then we |
| necessary evil, we ought to double the price | | | | already may have a problem. We will disclose this |
| whenever they come in with cars to the shop." | | | | to the IL registration people, but it may delay |
| Sally says, we ought to deny them service, so | | | | application since technically we are in gray area |
| they do not try to sue us." Jim says "Yah, but | | | | and as per law a technical violation. Meanwhile see |
| there is probably some law against it and then | | | | if Joe can get his deposit back so you can sign |
| they really would sue us, maybe we should just | | | | the lease and sublease to him. Also in your |
| defer to Caesar on this one?" Sally agrees, | | | | franchise agreement we agreed that site selection |
| "Caesar was Right!" Jim shouts, "Take no | | | | was part of the franchise fee. |
| prisoners, kill them all, ha, ha, ha." Jim gets on the | | | | |