The Last Martian Goes Home

The Martian stood in the open field surrounded byUnknown to them all, the green giant had a special
the best government artillery pointed at his headvibration-meter on his wrist and within a few
and chest and back.minutes the increasingly hostile emotions all around
The infantry troops formed a circle around him.him set the alarm off, creating a loud piercing shrill.
Up above, fighter jets waited for the word toA nervous gunman, his nerves taut, accidentally
launch a missile right into the corn field ifpulled the trigger.
necessary.The other gunmen, confused, assuming that an
Unaware of the hostile force that had greetedorder had been given, began firing as well.
him, innocent of all thoughts of death andThe bullets passed through the green giant.
destruction, the handsome green giant, using his"Clear the field," shouted the commander.
intergalactic translator device, said:The soldiers raced to their vehicles. Within minutes
"My wonderful friends:the entire field was deserted. And the first missile
"We have noticed your suffering on this planetstruck. Then the second and the third. Within a
and I have been sent as an emissary to bring youfew minutes, a small crater had formed.
good tidings.Watching all this on a giant television screen, the
"You're not here to suffer.pictures being taken by satellite, the president and
"You don't have to be hungry.all his men were astonished to see that the green
"There is no need to cry.giant and his shiny vehicle appeared to be
"I have come to bring you hope.unharmed.
"It's possible to wish for what you want."We'll have to go nuclear," was the last command
"It's possible to move beyond merely trying.given.
"You see all being everywhere are here TOSoon a huge mushroom of smoke enveloped the
THRIVE."crater.
"The president wishes to speak to you," said aWhen it cleared, there was no sign of the alien
brusque man in army fatigues and enoughand his craft.
medallions to sink a ship. He threw a walkie-talkieFar above the chaos, another flying saucer,
at the alien's feet.monitoring the scene, the real green giant decided
"Hello, Mr. President. I have good news for you.to turn his image projector off . The hologram
You see, the entire Universe is onyour side."image on the surface of the earth disappeared.
The President, surrounded by his entire cabinet,While the entire country was suddenly celebrating
experts on UFOs, and the top-ranked officers oftheir victory over beating back the invasion, apart
the armed forces, barked: "Why are you here?"from a small group of malcontents that actually
As the two spoke, the agitation around thefelt sorry for the alien, the jolly green giant said
president increased. This was obviously a breachto his wife, "I don't think they're ready yet."
of national security. And it was getting worse byPushing the joystick with a sigh, she pointed the
the minute.craft out of the earth's orbit at warp speed.