| "The check's in the mail". "No, you don't look fat in | | | | next" or "Cure for cellulite when we come back". |
| that". "You don't look that old". These are familiar | | | | After six or more commercials they come back, |
| exaggerations, white lies or what my | | | | but the teaser is carried over to the next |
| grandmother called Pinocchio noses. | | | | segment of the newscast. Do local newscasters |
| A building contractor nose how to convince you | | | | have long noses because they tease or because |
| the remodeling will be done on time. A used car | | | | they have the nose for news? |
| dealer nose how to make an old car look good. A | | | | There are a lot of television ads for weight-loss |
| lawyer nose how to make his client look innocent. | | | | products. Some are for weight-loss drinks. Others |
| When I was an innocent child and the doctor said, | | | | are for pills or prepared foods. Maybe the makers |
| "This won't hurt", I was too busy looking at the | | | | of these products really could lose five pounds in |
| lollypop to see if his nose got longer. Now I watch | | | | one week if they cut off their noses. |
| the doctor's nose very carefully. | | | | When you go to the movies, you sit through |
| I listen very carefully when charities call to ask for | | | | fifteen minutes of previews for upcoming movies. |
| donations. Although the "Do Not Call List" doesn't | | | | Occasionally you see one you like. However, when |
| apply to charitable organizations, I don't feel very | | | | it's advertised in the newspaper, the flattering |
| charitable if the charities won't send their requests | | | | quotes are from the" Iowa City Gazette" and |
| by mail. Pinocchio noses know that would be mail | | | | "Movie Magazine". Ebert and Roeper's noses stay |
| fraud. They also know they would need a nose | | | | out of it. |
| guard in prison. | | | | Politicians should have the longest noses of all - |
| Pinocchio noses used to notify you by mail that | | | | especially when they're campaigning - when |
| you'd won large amounts of money. Now they | | | | they're promising whatever you want to hear. I've |
| notify you by e-mail. Either way there are strings | | | | never seen a politician with a Pinocchio nose, but |
| attached. Either way the notifications are | | | | I've never seen both hands of politicians when |
| "Gipetto-ized". | | | | they're making promises. They're crossing their |
| Teasers are used on local, television news to | | | | fingers. It's as plain as the nose on your face. |
| keep us from turning the channel. "Alien sighting | | | | |