| -- End Ad Box ---> | | | | over again. This approach looks rather forced in |
| Your youth group will become a reflection of "the | | | | print, but the teens will "reorganize" with your |
| world" unless you take an active stance against it. | | | | direction. They know their little cliques are boring, |
| No where is this more apparent than in the way | | | | repetitive and ungodly, they just can't stop |
| the students interact with each other. With all the | | | | themselves. They need your help. |
| news that bullying is getting, we should take a | | | | I always break up cliques the morning after I've |
| look at what is happening with "bullying" in your | | | | performed my show; "The Redneck Was Right." |
| youth group. | | | | This show is about acceptance, making new |
| There is no bullying in your youth group...right? | | | | friends by reaching out, and God's desire that we |
| There is probably no punching, hitting, or overt | | | | not judge one another by outward appearance, |
| name calling, but, if you are not working to | | | | speech, or economic status. When performed |
| prevent it, Christian teens will simply transfer their | | | | exclusively for youth, I use it to fight youth group |
| public school social hierarchy to the youth group | | | | cliques, gossip, racism and prejudice. I love |
| setting. The "in" group at school will be the "in" | | | | performing this show at the first day of camp |
| group at youth group. The popular guys and | | | | because it clears the air and gets camp started |
| athletes from school will dominate all your | | | | off on a positive note. I meet the teens as they |
| "games" and activities. They will do this | | | | come out of the chow line at breakfast the |
| instinctively. | | | | morning after the show. I make the |
| "Bullying" within Christian youth groups tends to be | | | | pronouncement, "You will sit with someone that |
| limited to gossip, cliques, and exclusion. Exclusion is | | | | you don't usually sit with." I then make sure it |
| the most subtle, most difficult to spot and | | | | happens. I will guide a large football player and |
| probably the most hurtful. When teens practice | | | | have him sit with a quite clarinet player. I will guide |
| exclusion they physically, verbally and emotionally | | | | one of the "in" girls and have her sit with a "quite |
| "block out" those kids they don't deem as | | | | girl." I will mix and match, seating teens outside |
| acceptable. It isn't that they hit them or verbally | | | | their comfort zones. Some of the youth will be |
| abuse them...they simply ignore them. And, most | | | | uncomfortable with this, but they will talkto each |
| don't even know they are doing it. | | | | other. (They are teens after all) It's a beautiful |
| At your next activity, watch your teens. Really | | | | thing; teens that have been going to group for |
| watch them. Is there that same group of girls | | | | years and have never spoken will find they have |
| that huddles tightly in the corner? It there a group | | | | something in common and will even laugh and |
| of "alpha males" that dominates all the interaction | | | | joke...all because you took a stand and pushed |
| and activities? Is there a group of teens that sits | | | | them out of their comfort zones. |
| quietly, not talking, stuck together by default? | | | | What about you? Do you encourage cliques with |
| Does your group "self segregate" along social | | | | your own behavior? Do you pick the same teen |
| economic or racial lines? Do you get complaints of | | | | to lead prayer, the same group to lead activities? |
| gossiping? Is there a youth that simply wanders | | | | Are the same kids hanging out in your office |
| form group to group, not really engaging in | | | | before "group"? Do you greet some teens more |
| conversation or interaction? Are there any teens | | | | enthusiastically then others? Through my years as |
| standing or sitting alone? If you answered yes to | | | | a counseler, public school teacher, and touring |
| a few of the above then you have a "cliquey" | | | | youth speaker/comedian, I've learned that teens |
| youth group that will not grow. Why would a | | | | watch us, actually watch is not strong |
| visitor feel comfortable when teens that have | | | | enough...teens scrutinize us. Everything we do is up |
| been coming for years do not feel comfortable? | | | | for grabs. Teens also have an inner timer that is |
| The first thing you must do is verbally address | | | | always running when it comes to your interaction |
| the issue. Do it. Use scripture to support what | | | | with them, you are on the clock. How long to you |
| you are doing. My favorites are Mt: 7.3 and 1st | | | | talk to them? Who did you sit with on the way to |
| Sam 16:7. However, leading a Bible study or | | | | the retreat and how long did you sit with them? |
| preaching a sermon alone will not put an end to | | | | Who did you sit with on the way home? (Hint: it |
| cliquey behavior. I have several ideas that will help | | | | better be different). If you play favorites, why |
| you create a more loving and accepting youth | | | | shouldn't they? |
| group. At first it will be an effort and then it will | | | | It is not only who you spend time with in group; it |
| become your youth group's culture. Don't just | | | | is how you spend time. How do you greet kids |
| verbally address cliques: break them up. I break | | | | and how do you interact with them? If your |
| up the cliques when I seat or create groups. You | | | | youth group is like most, there are probably some |
| can do this anytime you are about to do an | | | | very trying, needy and dysfunctional individuals in |
| activity that requires any type of social grouping: | | | | your group. Do you greet and interact with them |
| eating a meal, riding in the van, crafts, or games. | | | | as enthusiastically and frequently as the "cool" |
| Simply "break up" the cliques before they settle | | | | kids. The teens are watching you, what are they |
| into an activity or file onto the bus, etcetera. I | | | | seeing? If you practice "exclusion" why shouldn't |
| stride over and say something like, "You always | | | | they? |
| sit together, let's make some new friends", and | | | | You can have the accepting and inclusive youth |
| then I point out who goes where. "It's time to get | | | | group you always wanted, one where you know |
| out of our comfort zones," I declare and move | | | | any visitor from any social economic background |
| on. Or I make an announcement that will cause | | | | will be welcomed. Creating a group that practices |
| "clique breakup", "Everyone sits with someone | | | | individual outreach and shuns worldly social |
| from a different school/grade level/neighborhood." | | | | behavior will take effort. But it can be done if you |
| If you don't do this they will simply group | | | | actively break up the cliques and model the non |
| themselves in the same social hierarchy over and | | | | judgmental behavior you expect. |